Interesting Mail Forwards

All maths schol's are invited

THIS IS AMAZING & NOT LIKE THE USUAL ONES!

Here we go...Think of a number (BETWEEN 3 and 20).





Multiply it by 3.







Now add 5 to the result.









Take away the number you first thought of.
















Now add 7.














Subtract 2.













Add back the number you first thought of.





















Now, close your eyes ...










































Dark, isn't it?

Look at the  Laloo's  point

A British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to  Lalloojee.

During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of  entertaining
Lalloojee
with the following magic of numbers.

He said, "  Your excellency,
Look at the value of the alphabet :
A B C D E F G H I J   K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S   T  U V  W  X  Y  Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19  20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it  will be :

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only

K N  O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only

L O B B Y I N G
12  15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only

L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 %  Only

Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most  important.

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

Sir, do  you find it useful?

This magic can work on your people to improve  themselves, increase
productivity, and make your Kingdom prosperous.

Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it
in less  than a year"

Lalloojee thought for a while; and said,

" I have  better formula. See this......

C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15  14 = 111 %

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside
his
burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a
walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes,
gnawing on
a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns
by
himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS. WHAT MATTERS IS WHO
YOU HAVE FOR A SUPERVISOR.

In the context of the working world:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER
YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU

BMW

Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer


CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly
Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE

Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FORD

Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill

GM

General Maintenance

GMC

Garage Man's Companion

HONDA

Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?

MAZDA



Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE

Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every
day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

Babu was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff,

"OK, Babu how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old
friends, and I can prove it." So Babu and his boss fly out to
Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise
shouts, "Babu!

Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for
lunch!"

Although impressed, Babu's boss is still skeptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells Babu that he thinks Babu's knowing Cruise was
just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Babu says. "President Clinton," his
boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Babu says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."  And off
they go.

At the White House, Clinton spots Babu on the tour and motions him and
his boss over, saying, "Babu, what a surprise, I was just on my way to
a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very much shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his
doubts to Babu, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Babu. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a
long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Babu and his boss are assembled with the
masses
in Vatican Square when Babu says, "This will never work. I can't catch
the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the
guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with
the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure
enough, half an hour later Babu emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Babu returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss'
side, Babu asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, I was doing fine until you and the Pope
came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on
the balcony with Babu?"

THE CURTAIN RODS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases.

On the second day, she had the removalists come and collect her
things.  On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar,
and a bottle of Verdelho.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited
a few half-eaten prawn shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of
the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning
and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead
rats, and carpets were steam-cleaned.  Air fresheners were hung
everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which
they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to
replace the expensive  wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped
coming over to visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house...

The maid quit...  Finally, they could not take the stench any longer
and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and
eventually, even their estate agent refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told
her the
saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly,
and she
would be willing to reduce their divorce settlement in exchange for
getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price
that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if
she were to
sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they
watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

...including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????

Mothers - Read this - it will touch your heart     In Love

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman
out to dinner and a movie.   She said I love you but I know this other
woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.  The other
woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a
widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children
had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong, are you well?" she asked? My mother is the type of
woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is
a sign of bad news.

I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you, "I
responded. "Just the two of us?"  She thought about it for a moment,
and then said, I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit
nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed
to
be nervous about our date.  She waited in the door with her coat on.
She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to
celebrate her last wedding anniversary.  She smiled from a face that
was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they
were
impressed," she said, as she got into the car.   "They can't wait to
hear about our meeting".

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and
cozy.

My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.  After we sat
down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print.
Half way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting
there  staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. It was I who
used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I
responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing
extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life.
We
talked so much that we missed the movie.   As we arrived at her house
later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me
invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home.

"Very nice.  Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack.  It
happened
so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.  Some
time
later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from
the
same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that
I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you
and
the other for your wife.   You will never know what that night meant
for me.

I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE
YOU!" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than God and your family.

Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put
off till "some other time."

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after
you've had a baby...Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother,
"normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct...
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring...Somebody never rode in a car
driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out
good"...Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices...Somebody never
came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball
through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother....Somebody
never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the
first...Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing
questions in the books...Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his
nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and
delivery...Somebody never watched   her "baby" get on the bus for the
first day of kindergarten ...or on a plane headed for military "boot
camp, or a college dorm."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one
hand tied behind her back...Somebody never organized seven giggling
Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets
married...Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or
daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home. .

Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell
her..

Somebody isn't a mother.

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo....




One was caught watching TV....



Another playing football...

and the third one........

----

---

---
































No its not you...

Kurangu nu sonna athu neethaana ?  Why do u always think u r  a monkey
??:))

There was a good old barber in Mumbai. One day a florist goes to him
for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber
replies:


I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community
Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop,
there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
he again refuses to take the money.
The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop,
there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his
door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community
service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there......



Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ... . .
(Believe me it`s worth it!!!!!!!!!!)

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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut...
with Printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut

Once upon a time there were 2 brothers who lived on the 80th floor of
a tall building.On coming home one day they realized, to their dismay,
that the lifts were not working and that they would have to climb the
stairs home.

After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to
abandon their bags and come back for them the next day.

They left their bags then and climbed on . . .

By the time they had struggled to the 40th level, they had gone
sufficiently mad and were irritated. The younger brother started to
grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the
flights of steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor.

They then realized that they had only 20 levels more to climb and
decided to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace.

They silently climbed on and reached their home at long last! Each
stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the
door. They then realized that the key was in their bags, which were
left on the 20th floor...

This story is a reflection on our life and times.

All of us climb the tall building called career . . . some till the
80th floor and some less. But do we know that the key to happiness is
in the bag, which has been left back on the 20th floor?

Know your dreams and follow it so that you will not live with regrets .
. .

If the chariot of your life is driven by the steeds of ambition, make
sure the reins of your life are held by the hands of joy.

We are the heroes of our own story . . .

Take care of ur dreams and plan for them....

Have you ever wondered, why do the entry doors to most homes open
inward, while in most public buildings, the entry doors open outward?

The basic doorway in your home has a very simple structure: A large
board is attached to a frame using a few "pin" hinges. This design has
a number of advantages -- it is easy to build, easy to install and
easy to repair. Of course, it is also very easy to disassemble --
removing the hinge pins completely detaches the door from the frame.

While this might help you out a good deal as a homeowner -- you can
remove the door in order to squeeze in an over-sized couch, for
example -- it's not something you want to make accessible to
intruders. For this reason, the hinge mechanism needs to be positioned
inside the house. With a standard hinge design, this means the door
will open inward.

Public buildings have the same security concerns, of course, but they
also have to consider other safety factors. Unlike a private home, a
public building is likely to have large numbers of people in it. In
case of fire or other emergency, these people need to be evacuated as
quickly and easily as possible.

When a mob of people rushes an exit, it's very hard for somebody to
open the door inward -- everyone pushes up against the door, and there
is no room for it to open. For this reason, an effective emergency
exit needs to open outward, moving with the force of the mob. This is
also why a lot of emergency exits are built with wide "panic bars"
instead of ordinary door knobs. The basic idea is to build the exit so
even the most out-of-control mob will be able to escape.
To maintain perimeter security, public exits are typically built with
concealed or protected hinges, which are much harder to detach than
simple pin-hinges. These doors are more expensive to install and
repair, making them impractical for residential use. And as long as
you don't have an unruly mob living with you, these outward-opening
doors don't offer any real advantage in your home.

Quite interesting.......

My Aunt died this past January.  CitiBank billed her for February and
March (for their monthly service charge) on her credit card and, then,
added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.  The balance,
which had been $0.00 was, now, somewhere around $60.00.

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me:  "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

"Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

"Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to
the credit bureau; maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did you just get what I was telling you ... the part about her being
dead?"

"Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you she died in January."

"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

"... stammer ... Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew."  (Lawyer info given ...)

"Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure."  (Fax number is given)

(After they get the fax)

"Our system just isn't setup for death."

Me: "Oh ..."

"I don't know what more I can do to help."

Me: "Well ... if you figure it out, great!  If not, you could just
keep billing her, I suppose; don't really think she will care."

"Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

"That might help."

Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery (address and plot number given)."

"Sir, that's a cemetery!"

A man was sleeping in his house.

Suddenly god appeared & said, "go out & enjoy. Nothing will happen to
you for the next 10 years."

He did so & met with an accident & died.

In heaven, he asked god, why did you lie to me.

God replied," sorry son, month end, had to achieve target.."

Dating process:

6 weeks  : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years  : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:

6 weeks  : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years  : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:

6 weeks  : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the
living room.
6 years  : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks  : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years  : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks  : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years  : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks  : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against
you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years  : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks  : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years  : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks  : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years  : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:

6 weeks  : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years  : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to
bed, I can stay up by myself.

The following scene took place on a British Airways flight between
Johannesburg and London.

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.
Obviously disturbed by this, she called the Airline Hostess.

Madam, what is the matter , the  hostess Asked. You obviously do not
see it then? She  responded.  You placed me next to a  black man. I do
not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me
an alternative seat. Be calm please, the hostess replied. Almost all
the places  on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another
place  is  available.  The  Hostess  went  away and then came back a
few minutes later.

Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the
economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there
is  also no seat in the
business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first
class.

Before the  woman could  say anything, the hostess continued. It is
not usual for our company to  permit someone from the economy class to
sit in the first class However, given the c circumstances,  the
captain  feels  that  it  would  be scandalous to make someone sit
next  to  someone  sooooo disgusting. She turned to the black guy, and
said.Therefore, Sir, it would be our pleasure if you would take your
hand luggage and  come with  me because a seat awaits you in the first
class.

At  the  moment, the  other  passengers  who were shocked  by  what
they had  just witnessed stood up and applauded.

This is a true story which is not usually told.

22. First thing he does after coming back from US is >>> "Hair Cut"

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health

conscious.

19. Sprays duo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".

Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".

Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".

Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".

Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".

Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".

Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".

Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead

of Seven Zero Four)

Says "Hi Dude!" instead of "Hi Da!"

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every

time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts

in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible

(but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee"

several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y

Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY,

says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is

experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by

which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to

roll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one

1. Tries to begin conversation with

"In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Programmer to Team Leader:

  "We CAN NOT do this proposed project. It will involve a major design

change and no one in our team knows the design of this system. And
above  that, nobody in our company knows the  language in which this

application has been written. If you ask my personal opinion, the

company should never take  these  type of projects."



Team Leader to Project Manager:

"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we  don't have

any

staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is

unfamiliar to us, so we will have to  arrange for some training if we

take this project. In my  personal opinion, we are not ready to take
on

a project of  this nature."



Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:

  "This project involves a design change in the system and we  don't

have

much experience in that area. Also, not many  people in our company
are

appropriately trained for it. In  my personal opinion, we would need

more time than usual to  complete it."



1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager:

  "This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people
who

have worked in this area and others who know the  implementation

language. So they can train other people. In  my personal opinion we

should take this project, but with  caution."



Senior Level Manager to CEO:

"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in

remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the

necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some

people have already given in house training in this area to other
staff

members. In my personal opinion,

we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances."



CEO to Client:

  "This is the type of project in which our company specializes.  We

have   executed many projects of the same nature for many  large
clients. Trust

me when I say that we are the most  competent firm in the industry for

doing this kind of work. It  is my personal opinion that we can
execute

this project  successfully and well within the given time frame."

Bholaji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Every where
I touch it hurts."

The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow."

Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doc, surprised,says "touch your head."

Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.

The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.

The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays
etc... and tells Bhola to come back after two days.

Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your
problem..."

"Oh yeah? what is it ?"

'You've broken your finger!'

Self-Appraisal:

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and
pulled it over to the telephone.

He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the
phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts
your lawn now." replied boy.

The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who
was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even
sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the
prettiest lawn in all of North Palm beach,Florida."

Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face,
the little boy replaced the receiver.

The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy
and said,

"Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would
like to offer you a job."

The little boy replied,

"No thanks, I was just checking my performance and the job I already
have.

I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to !"

Are we also so sure about our self-appraisal.....???

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife
looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time
now.

Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like
that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody
could
celebrate that long."

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?

I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.

The road to success is always under construction.

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this
bird used to live in a house of Prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living
room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new
madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then  thought
"that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and
said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been
raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Tom came home from work. The bird
looked at him and said,  "Hi, Tom."

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!

They forgot "Whatever"...(it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!)

ONE BEDROOM FLAT... AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER'S LIFE...

- A Bitter Reality

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree
in Software Engineer and joined a company based in USA, the land
of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a
dream had come true.

Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I
decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in
which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.

My father was a government employee and after his
retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom
flat. I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling
homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak
to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two
years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos
and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever
the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that
I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within
these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was
jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my
friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks.

After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the
photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I as forced
to select one candidate. In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would
have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore
holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after
giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look
after them, we returned to USA.

My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and
then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India
increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings
started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two
lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty.
Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so
that they can see their grand-children.

Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part
monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting
India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that
my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any
holidays and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was my
parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights
the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My
parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and
my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look
for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and
the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to
return to the USA.

My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay
in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife
I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to
an American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that had
enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just
enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed
locality.

Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is
for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also
left me and gone to the holy abode.

Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after
staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same
nothing more.

I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This
damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are
losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards
from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they
remember me.

Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again
who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them. But the
question still remains 'was all this worth it?'

I am still searching for an answer................!!!!

With warm regards,
By an Indian Software Engineer