Interesting Mail Forwards

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to
three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, The parrot on the
left costs 500 dollars " "Why does the parrot cost so much,? asks the
man.

The shop owner says Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer."

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs
1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus
worked on the J2EE/Struts & UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third Parrot to
be told that it costs 5,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the
question

"What can it do? to which the shop owner replies, "To be honest I have
never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

posted by Amba K  # 8:22 AM 0 comments

Address: Ephesians 1:20

Phone: Romans 10:13

Website: The Bible. 

Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus.


Hello.  My name is Jesus -The Christ.  Many call me Lord!  I've sent
you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your
heart.

Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.


Qualifications

* I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)

* I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)

* I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)

* I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)

* The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through
me, (See Galatians 3:14) Occupational Background

* I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).

* I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or
disrespectful.

* My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew
3:15-17)


Skills Work Experiences

* Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor
to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives
free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at
liberty them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18).

* I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6).  People who listen to
me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33).

* Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse
you of your sins, (See I John 1:7-9)


Educational Background

* I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and
understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6).

* In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See
Colossians 2:3).

* My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto
your feet and a lamp unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105).

* I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms
44:21).


Major Accomplishments

* I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all
times, (See Genesis 1:26).
* I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians 5:15).

* I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them
openly, (See Colossians 2:15).

* I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!

* There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here.
You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the
BIBLE.  You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my
website.


References

* Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine
healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and
supernatural guidance


In Summation

Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only
candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your
heart.

In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6),
and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47). When can I start?

Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).  Send this resume to
everyone you know, you never know who may have an opening! 


Thanks for your help and may God bless you!

posted by Amba K  # 8:13 AM 1 comments

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver

so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your

Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna

have lotsa money, a biga home, a beautifula wife and maybe a couple a

bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna

bed with another man.

posted by Amba K  # 8:08 AM 0 comments

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon,
ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint
your school more fastly, but for the following reajon, too much time
lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I
tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk
rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on
station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally
with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the
station master also because he was phully responsible for getting
birth of my sun. Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my
hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint
first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your
responsement.

May God blast you!"

posted by Amba K  # 3:43 AM 0 comments

Law 1.Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or
forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.

Law 2. The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to
the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as
when deadline force is applied.

Law 3. For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite
Software Implementation.


Bonus :-) Law 4. Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from
software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to
another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains
constant.

posted by Amba K  # 3:33 AM 0 comments

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks
ago.

While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the
corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle,
but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft
chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you
would do me a favor." "Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar,  "and
I'm waiting for a very important client.

Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say
"Hi Tom?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up.

We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It Was Bill Gates. "Hi, Tom," he said.

I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting."

posted by Amba K  # 3:30 AM 0 comments

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not
more
than 1 kg meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager
visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to
the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c
environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed
very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few
peanuts.

Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they
were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same
food bag of peanuts was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at
him,
"Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong
with
your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering
peanuts to me?"

The delivery boy politely said, "Sir, I know you are the king of the
jungle but ..

did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!! .

posted by Amba K  # 12:49 AM 0 comments

A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had
shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice.

The young man couldn't help but wonder, "Does God still speak to
people?"


After service he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and
they discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how
God had led them in different ways.

It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home.
Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, "God.. If you still speak
to people speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey."


As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest
thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk.

He shook his head and said out loud, "God is that you?"

He didn't get a reply and started on toward home. But again, the
thought, buy a gallon of milk. The young man thought about Samuel and
how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to
Eli.


"Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk."

It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use
the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off
toward home. As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge,
'Turn down that street."


This is crazy he thought and drove on past the intersection. Again, he
felt that he should turn down Seventh Street At the next intersection,
he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out
loud, "Okay, God, I will."

He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop.
He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in semicommercial
area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighbor-
hoods either The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked
dark like the people were already in bed.



Again, he sensed something, "Go and give the milk to the people in the
house across the street."

The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the
people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to
open the door and then sat back in the car seat.








"Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up,
they are going to be mad and I will look stupid."

Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk. Finally, he opened
the door, "Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will
give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay.
I want to be obedient. I guess that will count for something but if
they don't answer right away, I am out of here."



He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some
noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, "Who is it? What do you want?"

Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was
standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got
out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too
happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep.

"What is it?"







The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, "Here, I brought this to
you."

The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway speaking loudly in
Spanish. Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward
the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was
crying. The man had tears streaming down his face.



The man began speaking and half crying, "We were just praying. We had
some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any
milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to
get some milk."

His wife in the kitchen yelled out, "I ask him to send an Angel with
some. Are you an Angel?"







The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he
had on him and put in the man's hand.

He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming
down his face. He knew that God still answers prayers.

~Author Unknown~

posted by Amba K  # 12:41 AM 0 comments

Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take
them while driving.
===================================================
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you
are a referee.
===================================================
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is husband!
===================================================
They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they
wanted cash
==================================================
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school uniforms.
===================================================
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
=================================================
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot
live without...
but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

===================================================
You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it
===================================================
True friends stab you in the front
====================================================
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for
hurting me.
=================================================
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not
vote.
====================================================
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired
=================================================
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and
she agrees with
me.
=================================================
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to
others.
=================================================
Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
=================================================
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his
job, he still
ends up
with the same boss.
=================================================
They call our language the mother tongue because the
father seldom gets
to
speak
=================================================
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents
have done it for
you.
=================================================
Wise men talk because they have something to say;
fools talk because
they
have to say something
=================================================
Real friends are the ones who survive transitions
between address books.

posted by Amba K  # 12:32 AM 0 comments

The Pastor's Cat

                  by Dwight Nelson

This story is guaranteed to leave a bright spot in your day. Whoever
said the Creator doesn't have a sense of humor? Dwight Nelson recently
told a true story about the pastor of his church.



He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was
afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The
kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so
the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so
that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He
did! All the while, checking his progress in the car frequently, then
figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent
sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.

But as he moved a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree
went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air-out of
sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking
people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray
kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your
keeping," and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his
church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was
amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone
knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate
cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him how her little
girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few
days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her
little girl, "Well if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." (Can
you see where this is heading?)

She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on
her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't
believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came
flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right
in front of her"

Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor!

posted by Amba K  # 12:25 AM 0 comments