Interesting Mail Forwards

Soon we will find this, behind Maggi 2 minutes noodles pack:  (How to
prepare)

Step 1: boil one cup of water
Step 2: as soon as ganguly goes for batting, put the noodles in the
boiled
water and add the tastemaker.
Step 3: stir till ganguly is on the field.
Step 4: As soon as ganguly is back in pavilion, your noodles r ready to
eat


Njoy……….

Hi Buddy ..,

Do you know india is great ????????????????

The population of India is 100 crores.

But 19 crores are retired.

That leaves 81 crores do all the work.

There are 25 crores in school,

which leaves 56 crores to do the work.

Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Government,

leaving 34 crores to do the work.

4 crores are in the Armed Forces, which leaves

30 crores to do the work.

Take away from above total the 20 crores people who

work for State Governments (State Government employees officially do not work!)

and that leaves 10 crores to do the work.

Total unemployed are 8 crores and

that leaves 2 crores to do the work.

At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in

hospitals, leaving 80 lakhs to do the work.

Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute,

there are 79,99,998 people in prisons throughout the country.

That leaves just 2 people to do the work.......

You and me!!! !!!!!!!!!!

And currently YOU are sitting at your computer
reading

this mail. So I am the only person in our country
who

is working!

And that's why India is surviving!!!

Now, please log out and do your job because, for a

Change, I want to rest.

Be in touch, Keep mailing, Enjoy life.





From my bro, dearest G

At a doctors hospital one morning a patient arrives complaining of
serious backache.

The doctor examines him and asks him,"What the hell did you do to your
back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club?
Today  morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in
my  bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife
and  the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did
not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running
out  and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible.What
the hell happened to you?"   He replies, "You know I have been
unemployed for a while now.Today was the first day at my new job. I
forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the
building, getting  dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it
but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do.
The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!"

B4 committing to a North IndianGirl **********

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has
more boyfriends than her  age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood
heroine and after  marriage you have to go around her

twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to
you, you are bankrupt  because of the number

of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and
restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer
butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo
matar,

aloo paneer, that after eating all those  paneer and
aloos you are either in the bed with chronic
cholestrol or  

chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career
is the rise in your  monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she
is a blonde. Only later  do you come to know

that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to
cover her gray hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy
watching "Kyonki saas,bi  kabi bahu thi" that you

either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and
covers the whole of south  india until she met you.

(Remember all South Indians are referred as
"MADRASI")

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means
she is going to "walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the
number of people you have in  your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she  knows
are "Thank you" and  "How  are you"

13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael
Jackson.

*********************************************************************************************

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South indian  GIRL-FRIEND
***********

1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't
study in IIT or Madras  /Anna  University.

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with "
... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The
Dubai based Oil Well  Company will negotiate

with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut  oil
from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.


7. Her first name is longer than your first name,
middle name and surname  combined (unless you

are from Andhra)

8. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every
movie.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on
her head and wears silk  saris in the Madras heat

without looking too uncomfortable while you are 
melting in your singlet.

10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.

11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari
Srikkanth.

12.Her favourite food is dosa though she has  tried
North Indian snacks like  Chats (pronounced

like the slang for 'conversation')

13.She bores you by telling you which raaga each song
you hear is based on.

14.You have to give her jewellery, though she has
already got plenty of it

15. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the
championship belts worn by  WWF  wrestlers.

16.She is more educated than you.

17.Her father thinks she is much smarter than you... 

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A

From KBG...

The hypnotist

Good one...

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite
two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to
hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket
watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch and has been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly; chanting, "Watch
the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd become mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off
its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until
suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking
into a hundred pieces.

"Shit!" said the hypnotist.
.

..

...

....

.....

......

........

.........

..........

............

.............

..............

...............

It took three weeks to clean the seats in the theatre.....

Not too interesting.. but worth a look...

When A Girl..

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than her

- Top Secret -


   You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada; known, simply, as "Area 51?"

   Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks (out at Area 51)
were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They, immediately, impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an
interrogation room.

   The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and
spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.  The Air
Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him
overnight, during the investigation.

   By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really
was lost and wasn't a spy.  They gassed up his airplane, gave him a
terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing (complete with threats of
spending the rest of his life in prison), told him Vegas was
that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

   The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same
Cessna showed up, again!

   Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane.  Only, this time, there
were two people in the plane.

   The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me.
But, my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last
night!"

Read - This is absolutely beautiful......

Each year he sent her roses,
and the note would always say,
I love you even more this year,
than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow,
with every passing year."

She knew this was the last time
that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses
in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know,
that he would pass away.

He always liked to do things early,
way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy,
everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems and
placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside
the portrait of his smiling face.

She would sit for hours,
In her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture,
and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was
to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude,
that had become her fate.

Then, the very hour,
The doorbell rang, and there
were roses sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in,
and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone,
to call the florist shop.

The owner answered, and she asked him,
if he would explain, Why would someone would
do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away,
more than a year ago,"
The owner said,
"I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today,
were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead,
he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order,
that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance,
you'll get them every year.

There also is another thing,
that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here, that's the card
that should be sent to you
the following year."

She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking,
as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence,
this is what he wrote...

"Hello my love, I know it's been a year
since I've been gone.
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely,
and the pain is very real.

Or if it was the other way,
I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything
so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say,
you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover,
you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year,
but please try not to grieve.

I want you to be happy,
even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses,
think of all the happiness that we had together,
and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and
I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on,
you have some living still.

Please...try to find happiness,
while living out your days.
I know it is not easy,
but I hope you find some ways.

The roses will come every year,
and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered,
when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day,
in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit,
he will know without a doubt!
To take the roses to the place,
where I've instructed him
and place the roses where we are,
together once again.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.

WOMAN has MAN in it.


SHE has HE in it.


Mrs. has Mr. in it.


LADY has LAD in it.


MISTERESS has MISTER in it.


MADAM has ADAM in it.


HOSTESS has HOST in it.


FEMALE has MALE in it..........and so on.....the list is unending



....Girls are always incomplete without Boys.........let us wait for
girls response for this...............

Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads were
spinning at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset. Mother
put the receiver down. "Some American girl in his office, she's coming to
stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep foreboding.
Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been
matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million
excuses for not being able to visit India, call any of the chosen Iyer
girls, or in any other way advance father's cause. Father always wore four
parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were eight, so deep
were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat in a corner, supposedly
lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid
description of the scene before me.


A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to
look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card
reading "Barbara". Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and
shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and looked at
us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and
covered father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was too
funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva shiva!". She shouted
"you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I imagined
little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!". Suddenly, my
colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one
week, life promised to be quite exciting.


Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter
skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes.
He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture
him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the
idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food,
especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly
oblivious to the apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking
sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide my
giggles.


Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our
minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and
Barbara? She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek"
she said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was quite
innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts, and standing alone on the beach. In
the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a
skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck.
Father got up, and flicked the towel off his shoulder. It was a gesture we
in the family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went
out. Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his
son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if said son had been within
reach, father would have lovingly wrung his neck.


My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement.
They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a lone
woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that
Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a perpetual frown.
Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer.


Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would
be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations
with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The rest
of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss you!" she said to
both. She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places
they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very
confusing.


This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than
the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come
howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the plushest
sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his child,
the door would have been forever shut in his face. Aunt promptly revived
and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would rejoice if
she knew of Barbara!


On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's
retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder
was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother
and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara came out, and her face
was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings now."
If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother
was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with the
compassion reserved for pregnant women? With the criticism reserved for
pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant unmarried
foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit? Mother, who
navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion
oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings. She seemed to hope
that if she didn't react it might all disappear like a bad dream.


I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week. Whatever
my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be
too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance. The day Barbara was
to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still stuck in
Guatemala. Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera Sheikh,
needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am. Sorry
for the trouble."


So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At last a
pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of
smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I
thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and
said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with
her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in
the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child
Psychologist.


She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a
shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me.
"Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai university,
and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said. Everyone cheered up. Even
grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar,
it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar". Mother was
smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother had
never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have
taken charge, and decided she would bring in who ever she felt was worthy.
Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room, but on the third day, I
was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had
come to him from his father. "God is one" he said. Sameera nodded sagely.


By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family's
collective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't
it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the
airport saying he had cut short his Gautemala trip and was on his way home,
all had a million things to discuss with him. He arrived by taxi at a time
when Sameera had gone to the University. "So, how was Barbara's visit?" he
asked blithely. "How do you know her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my
secretary" he said. "She works very hard, and she'll do anything to help."
He turned and winked at me. Oh, I got the plot now! By the time Sameera
returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was
the elders' idea. "Don't worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with
your parents."


On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.
"Flight to India - $1500.
Indian kurta - $5.
Emetic to throw up - $1.
The look on your parents' faces - priceless" it said.


From Davy